Why Coping Skills Aren’t Enough to Heal Anxiety

You can talk your way through a therapy session with both hands tied behind your back. So, it's confusing that your past talk therapy didn't seem to work as effectively for you as it has for other people.

Maybe you've tried therapists in the Pearl, downtown Portland, or through OHSU's referral network. Maybe you've done telehealth with someone in Bend or Eugene. But nothing really stuck.

But there's a good explanation for that.

Talk therapy works primarily with the thinking, logical, and rational part of your brain — the part you've relied on throughout your time at PSU or Reed College, or currently in your role at Intel, Nike, or one of Portland’s countless startups.

But talk therapy has some real limitations when it comes to accessing emotions — which is a very different process than using logic and reason: your brain's protective responses — like anxiety when receiving criticism, or the urge to people-please — are stored in emotional brain regions (not rational thinking centers!).

These areas respond to your experiences, not your logical explanations.

Your nervous system learned its patterns through your lived experiences— like how to maintain relationships and stay close to important people — during formative periods when words weren't your primary way of understanding the world. These patterns became your modus operandi before you noticed them or could describe them.

The life skills you've mastered — like keeping your cool during your work Zoom meetings, analyzing situations logically, and problem-solving — work against you in talk therapy.

When you're asked about an emotion, your mind jumps to analyzing why you feel that way (or, why you shouldn't), instead of actually experiencing the emotion.

Not feeling anxious & invisible all of the time is an inside job…

Even in a city that prides itself on being "weird" and accepting, you've become a master at hiding your real self.

You're a master at compartmentalizing your emotions, thoughts, and needs — putting them behind doors so secure they could double as bank vaults.

You've gotten so good at wearing the "I'm fine" mask that no one questions you or suspects otherwise.

You've positioned yourself as the helpful friend in social situations — refilling drinks at McMenamins, asking thoughtful questions at Alberta Arts Last Thursday — so that interactions stay predictable and no one gets too close.

You filter and dilute what you say to make sure it's comfortable for others — "I'm a little concerned" vs. "I'm actually terrified."

Portland nice is real, and you've perfected it.

(And these are huge reasons why talk therapy just doesn't cut it.)

I'm here to tell you that these defense mechanisms are actually making you feel worse: more alone, more unseen, and more disconnected from the acceptance you really want.

So, I can sit here and tell you about all the therapy skills and techniques you'll learn and practice — and we both know you'd rise to the challenge and earn an A+ in therapy. Just like you earned top marks at OHSU, excelled at your tech job, or built your Portland-based business.

But like I pointed out, you're already a master at earning approval, skill-building, and "symptom management."

More of the same is the last thing you need.

The real work we’ll do together is fundamentally changing your relationship with yourself.

This process will be different.

It will be wildly uncomfortable at times. More uncomfortable than making small talk at a networking event in the Pearl, or navigating Portland's dating scene.

And it will ask everything of you.

As far back as you can remember, you've been a mystery (even to yourself!).

You're not quite sure who you are underneath the people-pleasing: saying "yes" out of obligation, showing up for every friend’s art opening in the Alberta district (even when it negatively impacts your life), and filtering yourself to gain approval and acceptance.

If you took away the people-pleasing, what would be left? That's what we're going to figure out together.

So, the path forward is actually THIS…

Not just being seen by others at Portland coffee shops or co-working spaces, but finally seeing yourself clearly and recognizing your worth as a person. Just as you are.

Not just being accepted by Portland's creative community or tech scene, but accepting yourself — without conditions or exceptions.

Not just connecting more deeply with others, but reconnecting with parts of yourself you've had to hide away because they felt too vulnerable, too messy, or too much.

This will feel unfamiliar at first, especially for someone who is used to focusing your energy on what other people need from you.

But as you begin to value yourself for who you ARE — rather than what you DO, EARN, or ACCOMPLISH — something very interesting happens…

You feel better.

You feel less anxious, less on high-alert, and less compelled to people-please.

Imagine going about your life without the constant anxiety, and instead…

• Having conversations at Pip’s Original Doughnuts & Chai, or your favorite Hawthorne cafe that feel genuine and real — no more monitoring or filtering your every word

• Letting your partner and friends care for you and put your needs first — without you having to do something to "earn" it first

• Allowing "good enough" to be truly enough whether you're working from your Sellwood home or your downtown Portland office

…And this is NOT because you learned "better skills" and got an A+ in therapy. It's because you no longer need to cope with feeling unworthy, unloved, and unaccepted.

It's because you finally healed what is causing the anxiety in the first place.

Our work together creates permission…

• To have your feelings — without fixing them or turning them into a Powell's self-help book purchase

• To experience — without analyzing or overthinking

• To just be — without the pressure of producing, earning, managing, or accomplishing in Portland’s surprisingly competitive professional landscape

When you create art that captures a feeling you couldn't previously name, or notice tension in your body during certain conversations, you're not “learning a skill,” you’re recognizing your own experience.

This recognition by itself changes your experience in a way that endless "self-improvement" cannot.

You've tried the breathing exercises during Portland's eight months of rain. The meditation apps while stuck on I-5. The self-help books from Powell's. If you're ready to try something that actually works at the level where change happens... I can help.

As an Oregon-licensed therapist who understands Portland's unique culture — the pressure to appear laid-back while being secretly driven, the "keep Portland weird" motto that sometimes prevents real vulnerability — I offer specialized anxiety therapy that goes beyond coping skills to address what’s driving your anxiety.

Using art therapy and somatic approaches, we'll work with your whole self, not just your thoughts. And because we meet online, you can do this work from your Pearl District loft, your Laurelhurst craftsman, or wherever in Oregon you feel safest.

You deserve to feel calm in your own body. You deserve relationships where you can be yourself. You deserve to finally put down the exhausting weight of constant vigilance.

Even here in Portland, where everyone seems to have it figured out, you deserve to stop pretending and start healing.