How High-Functioning Anxiety Shows Up in Your Relationships & Career

Working in Portland's tech scene, managing a team at a Hillsboro startup, or climbing the ladder at Nike headquarters…

From the outside, you've perfected the art of success. Your Pearl District apartment, your Lake Oswego home, your carefully curated life... it all looks beautiful. But here's what I hear from so many Oregon professionals who find me for anxiety therapy…

You feel like there's an invisible hand holding you back from truly enjoying the life you've created for yourself.

Even though you're surrounded by people who care about you, something is missing. It's a strange feeling: people appreciate your reliability, your helpfulness, your ability to make things run smoothly.

And yet, you feel drained, anxious, and empty after social interactions with them…

In conversations, you carefully consider what you say before you say it. You catch yourself holding back certain thoughts or feelings, especially ones that might cause a conflict or create discomfort. You don't always do it on purpose; it's just become your default.

Sometimes you're caught off guard when someone describes you as "always so positive" or "so easy to be around." You smile and thank them, but later find yourself thinking about all the emotions and thoughts you didn't express because, let's be real, people would think it's too much.

They only ever see a highlight reel of you, not the full picture. So, despite being busy and surrounded by people, it leaves you feeling deeply unseen and alone.

Your Relationships

Your partner comes home from work, sighing and distracted. He seems…off. You feel that familiar pang of anxiety and go into problem-solving mode. You know you tend to overthink, but you still find yourself analyzing what you might have done wrong.

When he tells you he's just tired, part of you registers this intellectually, but the other part of you doesn't 100% believe it.

When he says he feels like he can't just have a normal bad day without you making it about the relationship, you see his point — but you don't know how to stop the spiral once it starts.

You've noticed you keep a mental checklist of all the ways you've helped your friends. You're starting to notice some resentment when these efforts aren't reciprocated. You catch yourself thinking, "After everything I've done for you…"

What's confusing is the contradiction — you genuinely want to help, and you volunteer your time and energy without being asked — but the resentment is real.

You've tried telling yourself to just stop helping so much, but that doesn't feel authentic either. You're in a weird place between resentment and obligation.

Your Career

You're the perfect employee at work. You're praised for things like coming in early, staying late, checking your email on the weekend, and never calling in sick.

And look, you're naturally ambitious and driven. Work genuinely excites you — the challenges, the growth, the sense of mastery. You're not pretending to love what you do — that passion is real. Your ambition isn't something you want to lose; it's part of who you are.

But a contradiction exists: the same career that energizes you is also draining the life out of you. The lines have blurred between real drive and ambition, and proving.

And you've secretly started to question if this 120mph-every-day-approach is sustainable.

Your colleagues set boundaries you can't imagine enforcing for yourself. You find yourself both admiring and feeling mystified by them. How do they say no to taking on new projects without spiraling into guilt? How do they leave at 5pm without feeling like they're failing?

You find yourself wondering if there is a way to be ambitious and successful without sacrificing yourself in the process.

If this resonates with you…

if you're sitting in your Pearl District apartment or Beaverton home tired of managing symptoms instead of healing — I can help.

I offer online therapy throughout Oregon, which means you can do this work from the comfort of your own space. No fighting traffic on I-84 or searching for parking downtown. Just you, in your safe space, doing real healing work.

Whether you’re in Portland, Eugene, Bend, Salem, or anywhere else in Oregon, you deserve to feel calm in your own body.