online throughout oregon
Grief Counseling
You keep expecting your loved one to walk through the door…
The sudden and unexpected loss of your loved one has utterly disoriented you. Day after day, you wonder if you’re living in a nightmare, and how this can possibly be real. It seems like your version of reality is broken.
Your brain simply can’t process what has happened.
If you were present at the scene, your brain has remained stuck replaying the traumatic visuals on repeat…
Your husband’s face as he had a heart attack
Your child after the accident
The chaos of the emergency room
These images get triggered by everything and nothing — an ambulance siren, the hospital on your route to work, or something totally unrelated.
What your brain remembers is incredibly detailed: the smell of the hospital room, the police officer’s uniform, or the exact words someone used.
If you weren’t present at the time, your brain has made its own version of what happened, which is just as bad as (if not worse than) reality — you constantly think about your loved one’s final moments.
You wonder if they suffered, what they said, and what they were thinking and feeling.
Regardless of the circumstances, you have a deep sense of unfinished business and regret — “If only I had called that morning…I should have told them I loved them more often…”
When you do fall asleep, you usually awake after a nightmare. You avoid any reminders of what happened, and you ping-pong between overwhelming emotion and numbness.
Your brain initially needs more than traditional “talk therapy” to process the grief because…
Trauma gets stuck in your body…
When someone you love dies suddenly, your body stays stuck in “danger mode.” Your heart races all the time, you can’t breathe deeply, your shoulders stay tight like you’re bracing for another hit.
Your nervous system keeps screaming “EMERGENCY!” — even when you're perfectly safe.
Talking about what happened doesn't turn off that broken alarm. It’s like trying to fix a fire alarm by explaining to it that there’s no fire.
Your brain can’t find the words…
Really traumatic experiences get stored in a part of your brain that understands feelings and physical sensations, but doesn’t use language.
When someone dies suddenly, that huge pain lives in a wordless place.
People often say “I don't have words for this” — and it’s because that part of their brain doesn't use words.
Your “Thinking” Brain goes offline…
When something really shocking happens, the “thinking” part of your brain shuts down and activates the “survival” part instead.
That's why people feel foggy and have trouble concentrating after sudden loss.
It’s like trying to have a conversation while emergency sirens are blaring in your head.
Somatic & Art therapies work better because they bypass your “thinking” brain.
Instead, they work with what's actually functioning — your emotions & sensations.
How I help with grief using Art therapy & Somatic Therapy…
The pain won’t disappear, but it can become manageable. You can function in daily life, have relationships, and even experience joy again — while still carrying love for the person who died. I can help with that.
-
You can express feelings that have no words - the anger, confusion, love, and pain all mixed together
You create something concrete that holds your experience, so it's not just swirling in your head
You discover feelings you didn't even know you had about the loss
You have a way to "visit" your grief when you need to, instead of it ambushing you
You might create meaningful pieces that honor your loved one
-
Your body stops feeling like it’s constantly in emergency mode
You can sleep better and breathe more normally
When grief waves hit, you have tools to help your nervous system settle instead of spiraling
Physical symptoms like panic attacks, muscle tension, or digestive issues improve
You feel more “in your body” instead of disconnected or numb
-
Talk therapy can be helpful after a person processes the disbelief and trauma that comes from traumatic loss. It can help with meaning-making. I’ll be here to support you through that when you’re ready.
“Getting over it” Isn’t the goal…
This is crucial to understand because our culture pushes the narrative that “healthy grief” means returning to how you were before, or that there is a timeline where you’re “done” grieving and you move on. But I disagree — that’s not how sudden, traumatic loss works.
The goal isn’t to hurt less about losing your loved one; it’s to hurt differently.
In other words, the gut-punch pain shifts into something more like a deep ache that you can live alongside…
You learn to hold both grief and joy at the same time
You can talk about your loved one without falling apart completely
You develop rituals to honor them, and ways to maintain connection with them
You can function in work, relationships, and daily life while still missing them deeply
For example, you might wake up and your first thought is still, “I wish I could call them.” But instead of that thought destroying your entire day, you can hold that wish, maybe send them a mental message, and then make breakfast. The missing them part is still there, and will always be there — it’s just not drowning you anymore.
The loss of your loved one becomes integrated into who you are now, rather than something that you need to “get past.”
Here’s what a change like that might look like…
Year 1: Their birthday destroys you for weeks. You can’t even think about planning anything.
Year 3: Their birthday is still hard, but you plan something meaningful: maybe watching their favorite movie, or cooking their favorite meal. You cry, but you also feel connected to them.
The grief becomes predictable: You learn your triggers. Anniversaries, holidays, certain songs, or random Tuesday afternoons when something reminds you of them. Instead of being blindsided, you recognize, “Oh, I'm having a grief day” and you know what helps.
You develop a ongoing relationship with them: You might talk to them in your head, continue traditions they loved, or feel their presence in certain places. The relationship continues, just differently.
You can hold contradictions: You can laugh at a joke while missing them. You can feel grateful for new experiences while wishing they were there to share them.
You can love your life while still wishing they were in it.
Hi, I’m Jen
I understand that sudden loss breaks more than your heart — it breaks your ability to think clearly, find words, and trust that your body is safe.
I combine art therapy and somatic approaches because sudden loss doesn’t live in the logical, language-based part of your brain. It gets stored in your nervous system and body, in places that words alone can’t reach.
Together, you and I will work toward helping you carry this loss without it completely overwhelming your life, meeting you where your brain and body actually are right now.
Credentials & fine print…MA Marylhurt University 2008
Oregon Licensed Professional Counselor
Oregon Licensed Art Therapist
Registered Art Therapist
frequently asked questions About working with me
-
Grief counseling with me is for people who have lost a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly — through accidents, medical emergencies, violence, or suicide — and are struggling with the shock, intrusive images, and overwhelming physical symptoms that make traditional talk therapy feel impossible.
It’s designed for those who feel frozen in disbelief, can’t find words for their experience, and need approaches that work with their dysregulated nervous system.
-
Yes, I am currently accepting new clients. I generally work Monday through Wednesday. However, I have limited availability, so please contact me to inquire about hours.
-
No, I only see clients online.
-
Please scroll down to my contact form, or send me a message on my contact page and I will respond within 48 business hours with my availability for your first therapy session.
-
My fee is $250 for 55-minutes. If you prefer to work more intensively, I offer 90-minute sessions for $375. If you’d like to schedule a half-day or a multi-day therapy intensive, please see my rates page for more information about package options.
-
No, I am not in-network with any insurance company. I would be happy to provide a Superbill (an itemized receipt) for you to submit to your insurance company for reimbursement.
-
I primarily use art therapy (also called expressive art therapy, or creative art therapy) and somatic therapy.
-
Yes, but only when it will be helpful and effective for you. If you’ve already had a lot of talk therapy, it’s likely time to try a more body-based approach.
Let’s Get STarted
Contact Me To start grief counseling
Complete this form and I’ll be back in touch via email, text, or phone within 1-2 business days.
Call or Text
503-974-4140
jduncanlpc@gmail.com
MAILING ADDRESS
4207 SE Woodstock Blvd. #398 Portland, OR 97206